My Current Mental Health Status

Hello to all of you. May is mental health awareness month, and that is when I usually publish a series of posts related to mental health. However, you may notice that the first post in this series is coming out around 10 days late from the beginning of this month. I apologize for that, but it has to do with today’s topic. Lately, I have been struggling with my mental health that I felt unmotivated to work on my blog. It is even more difficult trying to complete it as I am writing. I thought my mental health struggles were all behind me, but it has become a continuous battle. I am pretty sure a lot of people feel that way as well. Most of the time I look satisfied on the outside, but deep down I am not. Therefore, I thought it would be fitting to kick off this series sharing my current mental health status. For those of you that are new to my blog, I try to make my posts as personal through different aspects of my life such as my career. I am especially trying to touch upon mental health as it can have a big impact on my life. Plus, it makes me feel better when I share my experiences with anyone that can relate.

The main reason why my mental health has been so low is mainly because of my current job. It is not that I don’t hate my job, honestly, I do enjoy it; however, I am planning on quitting. I will share more details about it, but it is due to outside circumstances. What I am worried about is the reaction I will get from my supervisors and coworkers when I tell them the news. I know they are going to be disappointed and shocked that I am leaving the company considering how much I have contributed. However, this is a decision I have made on my own terms and in the end, I have to put myself first. I know I have to eventually give notice, but thinking about it is starting to put a damper on my work performance. I am slowly losing motivation knowing that I am leaving soon. There are also other events/activities the company has planned, but I won’t be able to commit after resigning.

After quitting my job, I have to find a new job yet again which is also taking a toll on my mental health. I have mentioned numerous times how difficult it is to find a good job (click here for reference), and it is even more difficult when you are currently employed. I have to actually schedule time to search and apply, but I am mostly busy. I don’t even have time to do an in-person interview since it is difficult for me to schedule time off to do them. I actually did have a phone interview for one of the jobs I recently applied to, but it wasn’t great. I ended stumbling on a few common questions that I haven’t touched upon in a while. However, I don’t think I will be moving forward with the application process since I could hardly find any information about the company. Heck, they don’t even have a website. Furthermore, I have to find a job now so that I can keep my income flowing after I quit.  What is even more devastating is that I didn’t think I would find another job so soon, and that I was staying at my current job for a shorter period of time. I still don’t’ even know what my dream job is especially when I feel like my career is going nowhere at this point.

To be honest, this is making me feel anxious and depressed. That is why I procrastinated in getting this particular post out because most of the time I didn’t feel like doing anything. There are even times when I have a hard time getting out of bed upon waking up for work. I also get distracted by staring at my phone endlessly scrolling. It is all because I keep thinking about everything that is happening and will happen. I do tend to overthink and worry a lot when not-so-great things happen. Sometimes I wish things occurred differently, and I wouldn’t have to be in this situation (if only I could change reality). However, I still end up going to work, and I put in a good amount of effort doing my tasks at work. I am still working on this blog, and trying my best to publish it as soon as possible. Despite my current mental health struggles, I still manage to live and push through. I do understand my boundaries and what must be done to enforce them even if it isn’t the best decision. I know for a fact that nobody is built to be perfect, and you can’t please everyone.

Because I am in a low mental health state, I will work on prioritizing it using some key strategies. I don’t know what they will be exactly, but I will try to see which one works the best. I know I will get through these difficult times, but I just don’t know how long it will be. I will definitely continue to look and apply for jobs that are a good fit for me. As for my current job, I will just keep pushing through it until I am no longer to carry out my duties. Please send me your good vibes as I especially need it. If you are currently struggling with mental health like I am, know that you are not alone. We will get through this together, and I am proud of you for enduring each day. You are always welcome to visit my blog to read through my past experiences if you like. Just make sure you have some time to take care of yourself.

For information on mental health resources near you, please visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness, or NAMI at NAMI.org 

If you or someone is experiencing a mental health crisis, please call or text the National Suicide Lifeline at 988.